Where's Red -- Non-Medical Edition

This past week I wasn’t at home. No, I wasn’t at the hospital again, and nobody that I knew was in the hospital either.* I also wasn’t on vacation.

I was traveling for work.

It poured in Charlotte on Monday and delayed
my connecting flight by about 45-50 minutes.

If you know anything about me, I’m not a big fan of travel. A lot of that has to do with the cost, because we really couldn’t afford to take regular vacations while the mini-Reds were growing up, but there was also the proximity to other people and the overall lack of actual “relaxation” when on “vacation”. To me, vacation was a thing you do to just not be in any hurry. To unwind. If you want to do nothing, do nothing. To others --glances sidelong at wife-- vacation is more about going places, seeing things, and above all keeping to a schedule to see said things. When you’re waking up at 6 or 7 AM because [insert locale here] opens at 9 AM and “we’d better be ready to go ASAP!!!”, that’s not a vacation to me. That’s work in just another form. 

(My dad insisted on that sort of vacation too, because he loved to golf and wanted to make his tee time when we were on vacation, so maybe that resistance to having a regimented vacation is deeply ingrained in me.)

I never really travelled for work in the past, either. For starters, I never had to. The closest I ever came to having to travel for work was when my old team over 20 years ago had a Disaster Recovery drill and we were going to have to travel to the East Coast to conduct it at a remote site. I was slated to go until I got bumped for another person, which was fine with me.** I was then slated to go on the next DR drill, until I got moved into another team (much to my surprise). And that team –and line of work—never required me to travel at all.

So, when I was told I was going to have to travel for work for this past week, it caught me by surprise. 

I’m not here to talk about the work itself, because that’s a big no-no, but to muse about other things regarding travel from the perspective of someone who simply doesn’t travel that much. And maybe I’ll tie this into gaming or something.

***

The last time I flew on a plane, I was one of the first people to get patted down by the new rules regarding air travel in a post-9/11 world. That was to attend a friend’s wedding down in Houston, and we struggled to come up with the money to pay for the plane ticket and the hotel room. If I were at the software development job I held in the late 90s, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to go, but where I was employed at by then I could afford it --barely. Outside of the wedding itself, my traveling partner and I didn’t do that much. We saw the Fellowship of the Ring in the theater***, we went to the wedding, and we kind of just hung around the hotel room. And that was it. Beyond that, I had more memories about the new-fangled Garmin in the rental car than I did of Houston itself. The city  was just so large and so spread out that I really had no memories of the place. 

I had more memories of the airport, because at the time the Greater Cincinnati International Airport (CVG)**** had our flight at a separate terminal for a low cost carrier far away from the rest of the airport itself. You had to take a bus from the main terminal to get there.

And like I mentioned above, it was on the flight home from Houston that I got the detailed pat-down process.

So, with all those memories in my head, I got authorization from work to travel and booked a flight, a rental, and a hotel room.

***

Without further ado, here's my notes...

Tech Has Transformed Travel -- Much Like Everything Else

Well, duh. Tell me something I didn’t know.

I just didn’t realize just how much tech has transformed things. Even 23 years ago I was going online for air tickets --Orbitz, anyone?-- but now I can perform all the functions of a travel agent far easier than I ever could in the past. Travel agents still have their part to play, but they’re more of a niche market than they were before.

Still, tech has also transformed the travel experience in other ways. The number of people I saw using their phones or tablets during a flight was simply staggering. When I last flew smartphones and tablets didn’t even exist, and yet at the airport and in flight they were everywhere. People no longer had to be glued to the arrivals and departures screens at the airport, their phones could provide them an up to the minute status on their flights, and even if their flight was rerouted to another gate. With all this tech, the flying experience became very, well, ordinary. Everything was presented to you to allow you to operate in the most efficient manner possible, in much the same way that some addons such as Questie do in MMOs. Trying to avoid the “easy mode” version of doing things takes more effort now than simply just going with the flow.

I Now Know Why Noise Cancelling Headphones are a Thing

I had a connecting flight at Charlotte, North Carolina, to my final destination in Florida.***** That meant I had flights between Cincinnati and Charlotte on an Embraer/Bombardier CRJ900. I knew next to nothing about the CRJ900, so I discovered that some people disparagingly refer to the plane as a “flying trash can with wings”. This did not inspire any confidence in me, but at least there are tons of them flying, so… How bad could it be?

Not that bad, but that’s because I had really low expectations based off of reading the info I found online. The seats were not very good, but they didn’t make my butt ache, and I could at least relax a bit. One of the armrests wouldn’t go up to let me get out more easily, but at least it was in the correct position for flying. The person in the seat next to me said something about the lack of comfort, but I mentioned “it could be much worse” to which he heartily agreed. I was also able to fit easily into the seat without feeling squished, thanks no doubt to my overall weight loss. Like I said, not bad.

Except for the cabin noise. Holy crap was the noise bad. 

The culprit.

I had my earbuds snuggly in place, but that cabin noise generated by the jet engines was pretty horrific. I could barely hear whatever I was playing –it was a podcast about the history of kissing, of all things—unless I turned the volume way up. It was then that I realized that noise like this was what led people to creating noise-cancelling headphones, not the press of crowds at malls and other enclosed places.

When we landed, I took note of the various shops in the concourse at Charlotte and just how many of them had headphones for sale. And not just headphones, but the expensive noise-cancelling variety. If nothing else, those shops do know their clientele.

My other flights were on newer Airbus jets, and while those jets were significantly quieter, my old Honda Accord is quieter than these jets were. (If you’ve ever driven a ‘90s era Honda, you know it is NOT quiet.) If I do this sort of thing again, I might have to get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones just to preserve my ears.

All These Lists and I Still Forget Things

I’m pretty sure this isn’t limited to me, but I’d made lists to check off prior to my departure to prevent the one thing I was most likely to do: forget something. While it was plenty obvious that I needed to have enough underwear or shirts packed, other items such as my mouse and my battery for my laptop might easily be missed if I hadn’t written them down, so I made a point to put them on the list. When I finally got settled in my hotel room for that first night I’d congratulated myself for a successful first part of the trip when I realized I’d forgotten my toothbrush. 

Yes, I was able to easily obtain another toothbrush from the front desk, but since I actually HAD ‘toothbrush’ on my list, you’d have thought I’d have actually PACKED it away. But I didn’t. So I spent most of the rest of the trip wondering just what else I’d forgotten in spite of putting everything I needed down on the lists.

So far, I haven’t found that out yet, although I did forget to bring my laptop charger with me on my last day at the client office. That made things a bit dicey on making my laptop last for 5-6 hours on one charge, but I somehow pulled that off.

I Can Tolerate Being in a Sardine Can for a Little While

See my comments about the Embraer/Bombardier CRJ900 above. 

What, you want more? Okay, right.

I’m not a germaphobe by any stretch of the imagination, but being shoehorned into a jet plane –no matter how luxurious or spacious—doesn’t endear me to my fellow man. Little eccentricities, such as an occasional tic-tic-tic sound made by one passenger who can’t sit still or that teenager hunched over, hoodie pulled up, playing a video game on their phone, can get under my skin. Putting on earbuds and losing myself in music or a podcast helps a lot, but that immersion is lost when you open your eyes and a woman in front of you starts watching one of the Puss-in-Boots movies. 

The flight was just long enough, however, for that to not be a problem. If the flight were much longer… Maybe not so much. The seats were hard and had little padding, so my butt was falling asleep just as we descended to land (each way). If we had to wait in the air, it would have been kind of miserable. The two Airbuses were much more comfortable to sit in, although there were more seats from side to side, and because of the increased width there was greater overall headroom. 

I’m Happiest with a Book

I knew I would likely get air sick if I tried to read on the flight, but I brought a couple of books with me to read. One was that Ham Radio License Manual I’ve been studying, and the other was The Color of Magic, Terry Pratchett’s first Discworld novel. I spent most of my down time before bed and at the gate waiting for my flight reading the latter, so expect a post out of that fairly soon. However, after my last work day, I discovered a bookstore near my hotel. So how did I spent that last evening?

Yeah, you knew that was coming.

I didn't buy anything, but I certainly enjoyed the time I spent there.

You Can Find Inspiration in the Most Crowded Spaces

In the middle of Charlotte’s concourse there’s a food court. And in the middle of the food court, an airport employee played the piano.

He played some show tunes and popular hits, but I finally spoke to him after he played the Theme to Hill Street Blues. I’m old enough to remember when that show was on NBC back in the 1980s, and its theme music, by Mike Post#. I walked up and gave him a tip and thanked him for that piece. He told me that once in a while he gets some recognition by a passerby when he plays that tune, so he was glad he made my day. 

I then asked him what he liked to play. Some James Bond among other movie themes, because people liked to hear it here.

“But what about at home? What do you play when nobody’s listening?”

“Oh! I mostly play religious pieces.”

“Yeah,” I mused, “I can see where that might be a bit obscure to be played here. Then again, Hill Street Blues is pretty obscure nowadays too.”

I thanked him and headed on to my gate with a bounce in my step.

I realize he was paid to play for the crowd, but it was nice to have a personal touch when walking through an impersonal (and under construction) transportation hub.

The TSA Lines aren’t that Bad

There, I said it. 

I was thinking I was going to get held up in the same manner I did back in the day, but that didn’t happen. The TSA line went quickly, and I did what I should always do: just tell them the info that they want to know, and don’t do anything else. If they ask, THEN you can say something.

It only took me 50 odd years to figure this sort of thing out.

Still, I did have issues in that no two TSA lines at different airports are alike.

At one location, the TSA checkpoint didn't bother having laptops out of the bags, and they took your photo ID and ran it through their system. At the other location, the TSA chekpoint had you remove your laptop and you had to run your photo ID through their system yourself. Oh, and the place to put your photo ID in was different than the other location. I spent probably a good 20 seconds before the TSA guy explained exactly where to put your card in. And then I felt quintessentially stupid.

For a guy who actually works in IT, I have major blind spots with using tech.

The Airline People are Tired of Your Shit

Or maybe it was because they had to deal with some less-than-charitable people in front of me, but I took note of how they aggravated the AA employees as the desk and kept my conversation to a minimum. 

Bing bang boom. Done.

I didn’t get a smile even once, but to be honest I was just happy to not get harangued. 

I want to make perfectly clear that I was not picking on American Airlines employees here: I did note that other airlines’ employees had the same “we’re DONE with this” look on all their faces, so it wasn’t just American Airlines for certain. And it could have been that at 10:30 AM the morning rush was over, so they had just begun to unwind a bit after the stress of the morning. Still, I made a point to not piss off those in power.

And don't get me started on the airline employees who got (rightfully) pissed off by people dropping travelers off/picking them up in the "drive only" lane. Or other shenanigans that I watched while I had free time. When it was time for my wife to pick me up after I returned to CVG, I prayed hard that she would just pull in to the side and let me hop right on into the car, which she did. 

I Am Not Familiar with Modern Cars

You may laugh, but our “new” car is a 2010 Honda CR-V. Backup cameras weren’t standard until 2017, and large giant infotainment screens weren’t standard on non-luxury or sport vehicles until around the mid-2010s. My own car wasn’t even built in this century, as that old 1997 Honda Accord just keeps right on chugging along and will not die.

So, what did the rental agency give me?

A brand new Toyota Prius.

This thing. From Fremont Toyota.

I got into that car, sat down, and couldn’t figure out the gear shift for a good 3 minutes. Once I got to the hotel, I spent a couple more minutes trying to figure out how to put the damn thing into Park.

Narrator: It was a button he had to push. Same with the parking brake.

Cardwyn: So, he was as clueless as I would have been! And I didn’t grow up around those things!

Me: SHUT UP, both of you!! I don’t want to have to tell my therapist that I’ve been hearing voices again!

Cardwyn: What voices?

Me: …

It took until mid-week before I felt comfortable driving the car. Luckily for me the thing sipped gasoline, so filling up the tank before I dropped it off was no big deal, but I really had a hard time dealing with the sloped windshield and rear window. You’d think I was driving a Lamborghini the way it was angled, but no, that was done for aerodynamics. The interior was both spacious and cramped due to the seat angles and the roof aerodynamics, and that also bothered the hell out of me. Still, given the number of hybrids and true sports cars on the road where I was at, driving a Prius kind of blended in.

The Bag Self Check-In System Defeated Me

You know how I said above that for a guy who works in tech I sure have problems with it? Yeah, this again.

I successfully avoided the self check-in system when I traveled out of CVG, but when I went to return home, there was no avoiding it. I was directed to it straight away, and once I received the tag, the instructions weren't exactly clear as to whether I would need to peel off all of the backing or only part of it. Thanks to the helpful airline employee hovering over me --she must have sensed a tremor in the Force-- it was only a partial removal. Then I had issues putting the damn suitcase on the scale at the right angle. Again, read the effing instructions, Red.

The airline employee admitted it was a new system and people were slow in adapting to it, but if I have to travel again I'd better get used to it.

***

In the end, I'm glad I got that experience out of my system, and outside of my inherent paranoia I think I managed. 

But.

I really prefer driving by car. REALLY prefer it. While jets and trains can get me there quicker, cars allow me to be completely in control. And if speed isn't an issue, car travel allows me to feel the scope of the world a bit better than flying by jet ever would. If anything, flying by jet makes the world feel smaller; that's what it's supposed to do, but I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. Having a feel for the true scale of the world means that you can understand how people may be the same but they are also far more different than we care to admit.

The easiest way to describe it is to look at MMOs: fast travel is more convenient and if you're under time pressure it's much better to utilize, but if you want a feel of the true scale of the game world, slower methods of travel give you that in spades.

*At least as of writing this post.

**My son was about 3 months old and his big sister not quite 3 years old, and I wasn’t about to leave my wife for a week when it took both of us to keep things going at the house. Plus we were having issues with our neighbors, and I wasn’t about to let that get out of hand while I was away.

***The second time for me; my wife and I saw it a few months before then.

****I still kind of refuse to call it by its official name –The Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky International Airport—because that was put in place by the airport board. As the airport is just across the Ohio River in Kentucky, the airport board is primarily stocked with individuals from Northern Kentucky. The city and Ohio in general have mere token representation on the board, so they have no real say in what’s going on. In a way, that’s a good thing, because the airport board is kind of infamous locally for being greedy and short-sighted when it comes to managing the interests of the airport and the region.

*****Astute and air travel-savvy fliers will note that means I flew American Airlines, since Charlotte is a major AA hub.

#Mike Post also wrote the theme music to Law and Order, Magnum P.I., The Rockford Files, Quantum Leap, The A-Team, L.A. Law, and The Greatest American Hero among others. My freshman roommate at college had a Mike Post CD which featured both his television work and his “regular” pieces. I really wish I knew what happened to my cassette copy of that CD.