No, I Can't Get Used to That

Maybe it's because it's that part of Winter in the Midwest, where you might see the sun once every couple of weeks, that's got me feeling this way. Or maybe it was my little medical scare last November, which I can safely say has passed after my latest blood test. Or maybe it's because of all the layoffs that have been happening in IT, video games, and other portions of the tech industry for no real good reason other than making the profit line go up for faceless investors that never have to deal with the consequences of their rabid, insatiable demands for more more more. But yeah, this has been a gloomy kind of weekend.

This was on Mike Ybarra's LinkedIn page
as of this morning. I took the screencap just
in case this post gets deleted sometime later.

If you can guess, judging by my comment above, I was rather disgusted by the tone deafness inherent in the post. 1900 employees (at minimum) lost their jobs from the Microsoft Games division*, and that included ex-Blizzard President Mike Ybarra. In typical LinkedIn fashion, he posted a perpetual sales-type upbeat spin on his own departure; if he never worked another day in his life I'm sure he'll be perfectly well off. If he could handle living a middle class lifestyle, that is. 

I'm sure that Mike Ybarra will cope with using
Kroger brand peanut butter and coffee; just think
of all the money he could save!
From Boredpanda and Elon Musk's private
dick-measuring exercise with his billionaire buddies.

Still, that did get me to thinking about a variety of things, not the least of which is grappling with the concept baked into the American work ethic as defined by H.L. Mencken as "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."

***

Having done my share of genealogical research, I've seen a lot of census entries for my ancestors as variations on "laborer", "housewife", or "maid".  Sometimes you see them progress to "machinist" or "carpenter", but I've also seen pictures of the houses/apartments they rented --many of them merely rented rather than owned a home-- and I saw how they kinda sorta eked out a living over the past century and a half. 

And now there's me.

Where I am is the culmination of their work --and their luck or lack thereof-- and I've made a living in a field that has seen its share of ups and downs. I'm no Puritan by a long stretch --my kids will tell you that-- but that Puritan work ethic has manifested in me over the years to an uncomfortable degree. I simply can't seem to relax and enjoy myself.

Of course, what I find enjoyable is not what a lot of people do. 

A few months ago I had a conversation with a coworker about a variety of things, but he mentioned he was going to go on a cruise in a week or two, and that is one thing that I simply can't examine and find enjoyable.

No, this is not Bobby Kotick's yacht;
it's two of Royal Caribbean's cruise ships.
From cruisecritic.net.

Even before my dietary restrictions, being in an enclosed space around that many people --and the associated conspicuous consumption-- just made me shudder. Even if I did find being on an oceangoing vessel enjoyable in itself, I would know that the places these ships docked at were tourist traps that presented a false impression of the localities themselves. It's kind of like going on what is called "exotic travel" and ending up at a resort somewhere; I can't enjoy that at all because I feel like I'm participating in some holdover from nineteenth century colonialism.

It's not white guilt per se, but the feeling that I'm still taking advantage of a situation when I recognize that a past I never had any control over still influences things today. I could choose to be willfully blind and try to enjoy myself, but that's not me.

To put this in perspective, my family once went on a road trip vacation that ended at the Outer Banks, North Carolina.** One evening, my ever-budget conscious parents decided to go to a "family restaurant" on the strip near our motel. You could tell the restaurants there wanted tourists because a lot of them had "AAA Approved" signs***, and so did the one we chose. The place had late 70s/early 80s decor, and the food was good enough (think of a local version of Perkins or Denny's), but what made me profoundly uncomfortable was the fact that while the management was white all of the staff were black. Okay, it was more than just that: the mannerisms that the staff exuded were extremely formal in a "this is how the serving staff of a duchess/plantation owner would behave" sort of way. In one of those rare occasions where my brother and I saw eye-to-eye, we both commented on later when we were alone at how damned icky that made us feel.

Yes, it was the South and only 20 years removed from the Civil Rights Act, but still I was shocked that in the mid-80s this sort of thing still existed. At a "family restaurant" no less.

***

I guess you could say that I'm uncomfortable with what I consider to be ostentatious displays of wealth and privilege. 

I realize that Lexus as a car brand isn't truly a "luxury" car brand in the same vein as, say, Bentley is, but the "I could get used to this" tagline caught my attention when I first saw this commercial back in 2015 and I instinctively thought "No, I couldn't." For me, it's as if I'd gotten dropped into the middle of The Prince and the Pauper, and I know instinctively that I'd never feel at ease knowing what life is like for people who have less.

So, at this time of year, when you watch sports and there are tons of commercials for cruises, destination vacations, financial products, and luxury items**** and sporting events that the rich (or wannabe rich) go to, it really starts to affect me. (And that doesn't even touch on the fact that in the US there's now a ton of commercials for legalized betting.) I suppose it's a good thing that my social media imprint is minimal, given that I'd see a lot more of this stuff, and I'd really rather not be a party pooper.

Was there a point to this rant? Not really; I just have had it building inside me for a very long time now and I wanted to get it off of my chest. Well, that and that I'm tired --really really fucking tired-- of extremely rich people trying to proclaim how they're just "a regular guy" while hobnobbing with other extremely rich people, and trying to enact policies in business, politics and elsewhere that only favor themselves.

*Mostly ex-Activision-Blizzard employees, but also some from Zenimax (Bethesda) and other areas.

**Luckily for me we visited Kitty Hawk, the site of the first powered flight by the Wright Brothers. Yes, I'm an aviation nut.

***Now THAT is a blast from the past. I doubt businesses give a rat's ass about the American Automobile Association's seal of approval these days, but back in the 70s and 80s you were at least guaranteed a minimal amount of quality if that stamp of approval were given to a business.

****Given the price, I consider an iPhone or a top model Samsung Galaxy a luxury item, no matter if the wireless company gives it to you "for free", because you end up paying the $1400 cost for the phone. It's just hidden in the cost of the service itself, that's all.

You Know You've Been Writing for a Long Time When...

...you spend hours editing a document that should have been properly reviewed by someone else.

Yes, this was a document for work, and there were work things attached to this document that I'm not at liberty to discuss. However, a cursory glance of the doc told me that it needed help.

A LOT OF HELP.

And I've been spending hours on this thing, and I'm close to halfway done, just trying to deconstruct what the author was aiming for and how to fix it. 

The funny thing is, I'm not mad at the author for the state of the document.* Who I am grumpy at, however, are the people who reviewed it before me who said "Yep, looks good!" and passed it on.

Who knew that all these years of writing ol' Parallel Context would come in handy like this?

*Again, for reasons I can't discuss.

The Invisible Wall

It's been a while.

When I logged on the other day, I found not only some Halloween quests in my queue, but some Brewmaster stuff as well.  I hadn't played for an appreciable stretch of time in well over a month, and I still haven't logged into my Horde toons since, oh, early October.  This isn't due to any real lack of desire to play, but merely my credo of keeping my priorities straight.

My overall absence from the game is due to a combination of factors, but the primary ones can be summed up in two words:  family and work.  It was kind of a perfect storm, really, where work amped up right at the same time that the family got really busy, and I'd end up hitting the hay later and later at night.  Since I play early in the mornings, less time for sleep on the one end meant I had to make it up somewhere, and my WoW time suffered as a consequence.  About halfway through my disappearance from the servers, I finally admitted defeat and let my sub lapse for a little while.  Hell, if I wasn't on to play, why pay for it?

Well, this past week I finally resubbed and logged back in.

You know how Larisa over at PPI once talked about how she'd gone away (on vacation or something) and then came back to find that she couldn't remember how to play at all?  Well, that is no lie.  The first few battlegrounds I got into I swear I was doing little better than hitting a button --any button-- hoping it would score a hit.  About all I was good for was announcing when there were incs or taking away the enemy's attention on the healer.  If anyone had listened in on that first early morning, they'd have heard a steady stream of "no, TV comes after I get the 3 HP...  Dammit, I hit Exorcism again!  Stop it, you moron, use your CDs!  Now why the f*** did I blow both the trinket and Divine Shield?  He only hit you once!"

Times like this, you kind of wonder why I logged back in in the first place.

(Of course, talking to yourself is one of the first signs of senility, and as the Old Man around the WoW bloggers I frequent since Larisa retired, I'm sure I'm letting myself up for a bunch of retirement jokes.)

To be honest, I did kind of question myself a bit about resubbing.  After the first week or so, I found that I didn't miss it quite so much, and I could quite easily keep up with what was happening on the blogosphere and on the guild website without actually needing to login to the game.  Was it a sign of an addiction that I wanted to resub just because?

Maybe, but then again, maybe not.  Interacting in the blogosphere or on a website (or, yes, on Twitter) isn't the same as in-game interaction; there's a voyeuristic feel to reading about people's exploits or general chatter, and an unspoken but omnipresent barrier involved.  If you're not out there, interacting in-game, you're just a spectator.  Grab some chips and the remote, and you've got an evening in front of the tube watching a reality show.

But really, what is more interesting:  reading about people interacting in-game, or actually being in-game?

Some people (/cough Rades /cough) could write about killing ten fire elementals and turn it into epic prose, but the rest of us aren't so gifted.  We need context, we need grounding, we need the interaction itself to make our words come alive.  You can mention that "I finished my last Firelands dailies!" or "I finally got that Netherwing Drake!" and those who have a common reference can appreciate it.  If you don't have that, they're just so many electrons cluttering up the interwebs.

The irony is that I'm talking about playing in a virtual world when there are likely some people out there saying "Go outside!  Enjoy a physical world for a change!"  Well, yeah.  You've got a point.  And yes, I do go outside and enjoy the wilderness, such as it is in my part of the Midwest.  But this isn't a blog for my outdoors foibles, and it misses the point.

If I wanted to merely read about people playing WoW, that's all fine and good, but the fun of WoW is actually playing the game.  It's a shared experience.  People respond to the game --and the other players-- with the entire wide range of emotions because the game world is a living, breathing thing.  Perhaps WoW has more than it's share of detractors due to it being the 1000 lb gorilla in the MMO world, but if people didn't care, everyone would yawn.  MMOs live and die by the passion they stir in their players, and the players themselves are a large part of that.  When an MMO generates merely indifference, then the barbarians are at the gate.

As for myself, I decided to resub because I missed the interaction with friends and fellow bloggers/guildies online.  Sure, I tend to play when the servers aren't exactly busy (or are filled with insomniacs), but they're busy enough.  And the lunchtime crowd can be plenty fun too.

And naturally, right after I resubbed, I came down sick with a very nasty virus.  As I lay on the couch, dosed up with Robitussin and Ibuprofen, I kept muttering "....don't it just figure?"