Writing and Re-Writing

There are times when I sit here, writing away, and I have trouble making things click. It's more prevalent when I'm writing fiction, but I've had it happen during regular blog posts too. There's no way around the reality that it really sucks when it happens. 

What drives me bonkers is that I'd write something, decide it really isn't going in a way I want it to, and start over. When I do push through all the way to the end and then go back to edit it, I still end up tossing all that writing for something else. 

I really blame the writing of some 80s era cartoons for some of this. Some of the writing for Voltron, a show my brother really watched but I was kind of peripherally involved with, has shown up in earlier drafts of some of my stories. When I go back and edit and I say "Holy crap does this sound bad! Where did this come from?" I find out weeks later watching some random YouTube video a clip from Voltron or Star Blazers and realize the origin of that dialogue.

For an example, this particular snippet of dialogue took me about 3 weeks to write to where it's in this form. Obviously it's still a work in progress, so it'll likely look different than at this point, but at least I like the flow and the direction of the dialogue.

“Hmmph.” My sister sat down next to me and stared out over the pond. 

 

If she thought I was going to overshare, which was the sure sign of a guilty conscience, she was going to be waiting for quite a while. Still, I figured I’d lay out the one thing that Linna likely most feared. “I’m going to have Zarg do it.”

 “Do what?” She tore her eyes off the far end of the pond to look me over.

“The investigation that needs to happen. I’m not an idiot, you know, and I’m quite aware I’m not healthy enough to do it myself.”

 Linna’s face twisted; not quite disgust, and not quite disapproval. “And you’re going to let her do it.”

“Yes. She knows a lot about the Cult, after all, and people always underestimate her.”

My sister involuntarily glanced over at the slumbering Neve.

“I already cleared her,” I supplied. “What about your Draenei friend?”

“She’s safe as well.” Linna had a long pause as her face went through a myriad of emotions.

“You’re thinking of that place, aren’t you.”

Her expression settled on anguish. “Card…”

“They don’t know her like they do me, so it’s safer for her to do it.” I felt strangely at peace with that admission. I’d always done things myself, and relinquishing the responsibility for investigating my curse was a difficult step to take. It was also going to be quite dangerous, dealing with the Cult of the Damned, but if there was one thing I was confident about it was that Zargala could handle herself. “If you get a chance, can you carry a note from me to Mathias? He deserves to know about what happened here.”

“Yes.” Another pause. “I don’t want to lose you.”

I nodded. “Nor I you. But you have to trust me.”

“You don’t make it easy.”

“My name wouldn’t be Cardwyn if it was.” I looked around. “Carys should be back soon.”

“I told her she could come back when I was done talking to you.”

“I bet you didn’t make sure the other two weren’t snooping.”

Linna stared at me for a moment. “Shit,” she blurted and split.

I heard her footfalls fade, then I turned my focus back to the pond. “Okay, Lewys, I know you’re out there. Come on out.”

There was a rustle in the brush, and a very guilty-looking nephew emerged.

I raised an eyebrow as a smirk crept across my lips. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not going to explain what we were talking about.”

“But…”

“Sometime later, but not now.” I patted the ground next to me. “Sit.”

He dragged his feet a bit, but Lewys eventually sat down. “Take my other rod,” I told him. “I loaned it to Briganaa, but she’s not here right now.”

Lewys picked up the fishing rod and began casting with me. “Aunt Linna was really mad at you,” he finally offered.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How come?”

“Why does everybody think I’m going to tell them that?” I sighed. “Okay, I’ll give you this much: she was scared.”

“Scared? Aunt Linna?”

“Yes, she was. She was scared of what I might do, because I sometimes do things without thinking. And in our little talk that you so conveniently eavesdropped on, I assured her I wasn’t going to do anything like that.”

“Oh.” He made a face. “This is all hard.”

“Yeah, life is hard. Even when you’re all grown up.”

"That doesn't seem fair."

"It isn't. But I'll let you know if it ever does turn out fair; I think I'd like that every once in a while." 

 

I suppose I ought to have saved an earlier draft to show you what I wasn't keeping, but still I wanted to share a bit about the difficulty I face in writing. It can be a lonely and humbling process, and agonizing over something as simple as this is a guaranteed way to drive me nuts. 

But the thing is, I derived some inspiration from the fact that many famous people --geniuses, really-- agonize over their craft in their own way.

Here's a short clip of Maximillian Schell and Leonard Bernstein discussing Beethoven and what made him a genius. 

Speaking of geniuses...

The fact that Beethoven struggled and agonized over the creation process makes me feel better about my own struggles. Not because I think I'm a genius, but because people of Beethoven's stature struggled to come up with their works of art. And here I am, just struggling to put words on a page that made even a smidgen of sense. 

So many other modern creators, particularly those who loudly proclaim their own genius, loudly trumpet the ease at which they make their creations. Yet I think it is more humbling to see the real struggles people have --and what they have overcome-- that inspires me to try harder. In that case the real genius is perseverance. 

#Blaugust2026

The Attraction of the New

Have you ever had that urge to start a new game, but you were reluctant to pull the trigger because your lack of impulse control would mean that you'd spend all available time on it?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, I have some impulse control, it's that the interest in the game would override whatever I do have until that initial 20+ hours are out of the way. 

Then there are games where you make a poor decision very early in the game and you pay for it hours later when things are a lot more difficult to course correct.

Like this game.

For some reason, I pick a starting location that by the time the city gets to a pretty decent size --typically when you need post-secondary education-- I suddenly realize that my starting location was really crappy. 

I guess that means I'm like just any other urban planner out there.

That "poor starting location" is not confined to traditional city simulators, but also those in another world.

What made me think that starting a colony
on Mars while surrounded by mountains
was a good idea?

That screencap, from a Surviving Mars game from earlier this year, highlights my lack of planning. I look at the mountains and think "Ooo, pretty!" or maybe "Ooo, resources!" but it never works out that way. It just ends up being a royal pain in the ass to maneuver and build around. Gameplay like that emphasizes that people who do this for a living and have spent years trying to figure out where to build a base on Mars (or the Moon, for that matter) are much better at it than me.

Oh well. I suppose there's always playing Civ V for a change...

It could be worse, I suppose.

#Blaugust2026

Meme Monday: Saved Game Memes

Yes, I play MMOs, which technically have no "saved game" feature. However, I do play a lot of other video games that are not only single player but also allow you to save your progress. 

(Just because I can knock out a game of Age of Empires or Civ IV in one day doesn't mean that I'm not familiar with saving my progress.)

Of course, saving your progress and coming back to it later have their own issues. Hence this Meme Monday.

Of course you did, Joey. 
From Reddit (and Friends).

Yes, this is me. From Pinterest.

Again, this is me. From Reddit.

This happened once in a game of TI-99 4/A's
Tunnels of Doom. However, I was the older brother
and it was I accidentally overwrote my younger
brother's save. From Memedroid.

Yeah, I automatically think that this is gonna be bad.
Video games have conditioned me to think this way.
From Pinterest.

Wait, what?
From Thunder Dungeon.

#Blaugust2026

Do We All Use Quest Logs?

I sometimes wonder just how much real life mimics video games. Or novels, for that matter.

Sure, there's the obvious comparison, that the latter two are not reality, and reality is closer to a stream of consciousness than the latter two are*, but I often wonder whether we view life as more of a series of tasks just to make things manageable.

I suppose the most obvious form of that is how games and stories --particularly in Fantasy-- emphasize the quest as basically a task manager.

From Matthew Willis and swordscomic.com.
Also from the BBC.

When I used to keep track of my work activities in a daily calendar** about 30 years ago, I never looked at it as a "Quest Log", but in it's own way it was. Even today, while I don't keep a formal to-do list, I run over all of the things I'm supposed to do in a given day and set about doing them. You know, things like "do a load of the laundry", "cut the grass", and "write a blog post"***.

Okay, cutting the grass might not happen since we're supposed to have rain today, but the other two are getting done.

Is this us attempting to make sense of the world and cutting down to easily serviceable tasks, or did we train ourselves to do this because we looked at what we did in video games and books and thought "You know what, we could do something like this in real life!" Either way, I think Franklin Planner is making a lot of money on this.

From Wikipedia on Franklin Planner.

*Although my reading of Mrs. Dalloway for an English seminar at university might beg to differ about the "stream of consciousness" part.

**I had so many things to do in a day, I was lucky if I got about half of them done in about 12 hours.

***That's mainly a "during Blaugust" thing. Admittedly, I start writing after 9 PM when I remember that I ought to write a post.

#Blaugust2026

Happy Hour at the Dungeon

It's kind of a tradition in MMO group content to find someone who's been imbibing some alcoholic beverages. I mean, it's typically an after hours activity, and if you're at home (or at an internet cafe) and you're of the right age, why not have a drink or two?

Unfortunately, it's also a tradition for people to over imbibe in group content.

There was one time back in January 2022 where our TBC Classic raid team was raiding Serpentshrine Cavern, and we were testing out a new Main Tank. He seemed competent enough, and while I could hear the occasional glug of a drink, I didn't think anything of it. I mean, I used to have a beer when I raided before my hospital stay, so why not someone else? Well, right before we were to take on Lady Vashj, we'd prepped for the pull and.... Nothing. The "new" Main Tank didn't pull. He didn't respond to our calls in Discord.

He had passed out right before the pull of the last boss in the raid.

Oops. 

We quickly scrambled and to a replacement MT to show, but no, we didn't kill Vashj on that raid. 

Oh well.

Anyway, I bring this up because last night I was taking a break and goofing around on the Anniversary servers, and I figured I'd get into an instance or two. If nothing else, they ought to be pretty standard runs for a Friday night. 

Have I ever mentioned my naïveté before?

On the first run, there were three guild members: tank, healer, and Enhancement Shaman DPS. The Healer was drunk. And by drunk, I mean "he was doing shots of tequila" drunk. Despite that, we were doing okay, until the latest shots hit his system, about 2/3 of the way through. 

How do I know this? He started speaking of himself in third person. 

At one point, the Shaman had died and I made a quip about reaction times and the Shaman replied saying "I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now."

People died enough times that someone thankfully dropped a repair bot, so we could repair without our gear breaking.

Still, it was a fun run, if for nothing else that the Healer provided enormous amounts of unintentional comedy.

The second run was a bit different, because the Mage didn't speak English other than "GO" or "YAY" or "SAD" or "HAPPY".* Still, I could tolerate that were it not for the tank being inebriated, so he wasn't being that attentive to the Healer. At one point the Healer specifically said after a boss fight "brb bio", and the tank kept right on going. When the Healer came back and managed to rescue a bad pull, she pointed out she said "brb bio" and tank replied with "we didn't die".

::rolls eyes::

The tank made a couple of other bad judgements in the run, one we recovered from and one... we didn't. Luckily I was on Joan, and therefore I had Soulstoned the Healer just for such an emergency. The Healer then called out the adds that we had on that pull and the tank claimed innocence.  At least that didn't turn out to be a big row, but for certain the Healer split right after the last boss. Can't say I blamed her.

I guess it's a pick your poison sort of situation: if you make people laugh and you're obviously silly about it, that forgives a host of sins. But if you're pushing when there's no reason to, and because you're a bit drunk you're not quite as fast with reflexes as you think you are...

Hey, it wasn't my fault this time!!!

*At the end of the run, I asked for a portal in both English and Spanish, and no bueno.

#Blaugust2026

Amusing Guild Names, 2026 Edition

Here's something I haven't done in quite a while: Funny Guild Names.

I have a bunch of them that I haven't done anything with, and now's as good a time as any to post some of them. (That's the polite way of saying I couldn't schedule a post correctly and it accidentally posted last night instead of today.)

#Blaugust2026

Duck Duck Go Goes Where Google Doesn't

Well, duh.

If you've heard of Duck Duck Go, you know that it has hung its hat on your privacy, whereas Google has prioritized company profits. I've been moving my search more and more over to Duck Duck Go, and one big relief from my end is that DDG does believe that this blog exists:

I even got ahead of the AI Context Parallelism
blog. From August 12, 2026.

That makes me feel pretty good to know that both Bing and DDG know I exist. Alas, Google still thinks I'm a figment of people's imagination:

As of August 12, 2026.

Their AI doesn't even have the correct blog, much less a direct entry to it. Thanks to Atheren for referencing me at least that one time, which is how Google knows there might be something there.

And for completeness, here's Bing's results:

As of August 12, 2026.

Funny how the graphic they have there is a pretty old one about Mass Effect, but hey, at least I'm at the top of the search results.

I've kind of given up trying to understand why the supposed "best search engine evah" can't find a blog that's been around since 2009 and has over 1800 published posts. I guess they want money from me to suddenly "improve" my search results --I know that Bing does-- which would effectively turn Google into the 2020's version of Yahoo. You know, that's not exactly a comparison I'd be proud of if I were Google.

#Blaugust2026